You are beginning to feel hemmed in, controlled, and you suspect he is lying to you. Leave a comment. In fact, this is what makes a breakup with the narcissist a nightmare. The Former IPPS is treated in a shelf manner, both benign and malign. Divorcing The Narcissist – What To Expect, https://narcsite.com/what-am-i-to-the-narcissist-where-do-you-sit-in-the-narcissists-fuel-matrix/, https://narcsite.com/private-e-mail-consultation/, the type of narcissist you are dealing with, whether you have recovered from a position of being broken or not, how easy it is to make physical contact with you, whether we know you have been lamenting our dis-engagement, whether you have been angry about our dis-engagement, whether there are outstanding issues – money, property etc. They want that to be the end. If you are no longer supplying what they need, they’ll discard you. The guillotine of totality. This is a strategy with their outcome is to erode all of your confidence, to have you succumb to their demands. A narcissist knows very well how to manipulate you, and they will disguise their contact as an attempt to seek reconciliation, forgiveness, friendship, and even love. Will he be fine with the new relationship which is an arranged marriage and/if he is able to have a child? There is no such thing as a final discard. Like a vampire, they need someone new upon which to feed. His final text was “you are on your own. But its still good to know! We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. Find a new supply. They’ve grown bored of the relationship and you serve no further purpose. That must mean we do not want to engage with you any longer because you have mortally wounded us and as a consequence if you did this as we dis-engaged with you, then we will never return yes? In this article, I will show you how to get a narcissist … If you are no longer supplying what they need, they’ll discard you. After I got pregnant (which of course he talked about for years), he discarded me and now is gallivanting around on trips to Vegas with this older woman. If you did it as part of the escape you implemented, then is it not correct to state that we will not hoover you? It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. Whilst this is reprehensible, there is an upside (kinda…as far as upsides go in a toxic mess!). Did he block me because he thought that I blocked him? In the context of a relationship, it is the ultimate form of degradation. They have satiated their desire, now they are moving on or have moved on, as narcissists move on extremely quickly to their next victim. 2. Disengage? How are they treated in a malign way? As uncertain as the stages of discard may seem, there is a way to ensure that the narcissist stays away from you. they were already grooming by the time you left, chances are that he or she was left … HG, i news to know if will be a hoover and when. Believe me when I tell you this, as I have been you. The final discard. My concern is will he hoover? These days, you feel like you can’t do anything … The Abuse Cycle Repeats Before It Ends. Is there a golden period and devaluation for the former IPPS, too? Okay. 2. There is no Formal Relationship to terminate. This is because in our minds you belong to us and the Narcissistic Relationship lasts until you die or we die. It is an understandable conclusion to reach. This includes various matters to balance, some increasing the risk of meeting the criteria, others diminishing that risk. Recovering From a Relationship with a Narcissist, 5-Day Guide to Recovering From A Narcissistic Relationship, 5 Day Guide to Begin Recovery from a Narcissist. If you are no longer supplying what they need, they’ll discard you. If you’ve made it clear to the narcissist that you are unwilling to tolerate their behavior any further, the discard is more likely to be permanent. I was at his place when I found out that he cheated. Run with it, and consult with HG. Idk whatever. Absolutely Badalassi, I would welcome assisting you with this issue through a consultation. But, there’s an added element of pain when the discard is narcissistic. The narcissist’s supporters won’t think twice, hearing that you were replaced so suddenly, because they have heard all about your alleged faults, and misdeeds for quite some time. The narcissist final discard occurs when they finally have squeezed every last ounce of joy and self-worth from you. To discard is to get rid of something that is useless and unwanted. They never come back because they love you. Date: January 25, 2018 Author: terezapultarova 77 Comments. You are our property. When a narcissist is ready to move onto a new target, he discards the old with the intent of keeping her emotionally on the hook for further abuse. Am I wrong? You’re way ahead of the game if you’re free of him and your children aren’t being subjected to his manipulations or having to watch you be treated poorly. Because the narcissist has most likely been planning your discard, and smearing your reputation behind your back for weeks, if not much longer. Quite often before they do their final discard of you, they’ve already lined up their next supply. Like a vampire, they need someone new upon which to feed. Does he think that I’m lost/nothing without him? Post was not sent - check your email addresses! Did he block me? They are hostage to the decisions of adults. Please reach out so you can begin to recover and work through stage 4. You are not crazy, insecure or delusional, simply you are in a relationship with a narcissist. 6 minute read Is the narcissist suggesting that you are narcissistic because of your decision to go No Contact? I am just looking for some realistic words to hang onto here. A break-up with a malignant narcissist … I have no choice! You are good and then you are bad. You are no longer our friend. We paint you black and do not want anything more to do with you at that time. Is a narcissist asking for space a discard or silent treatment? Children not accepted or loved for who they are in a narcissistic family. However, it is possible for a discard to be final, I'd say in any of the following circumstances: 1. what ever caused the discard was such a serious narcissistic injury that the N is completely done with you and never wants to see you again; the kind of injury that means that the rage won't just fade with time. The end of a relationship is a painful process. He is not getting better with age. Are you wondering if you're dealing with the narcissist's final discard? This can happen, yes. The victim does not want the entanglement to end. The big question is why do you succumb to this? 1. I have been in the darkest of dark places, and emerged out the other side, after a long process, and my life now is a life I had only dreamt of. But he is adamant it’s over. You are our property. He discarded me and he got engaged and married – Indian origin. But to expect him to is ridiculous since he is a narcissist. Grey Rock does not work. They will begin with subtle criticisms of your hair style, your make-up or clothes, whatever they don’t like they will insist you modify it, particularly if you are a woman and wearing something revealing, or sexy. Whilst this is reprehensible, there is an upside (kinda…as far as upsides go in a toxic mess!). If I was a wife and bff for 12 years, no abuse, then he cheated, left me and we share kids, he goes silent for weeks and used to call and msg 10 times a day, the new supply is grade C and I am super pretty, great wife, mom, etc. Many ex-partners of narcissists, can remain caught in this limbo land. Like a vampire, they need someone new upon which to feed. In the context of a relationship, it is the ultimate form of degradation. I have blocked him on social media and emails and phone. This makes it hard for you to get out of the relationship and the narcissist determines when the final discard happens. Things just don’t seem to add up? The narcissist has ended your relationship or marriage so swiftly you haven’t been able to catch your breath to work out what went wrong? But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. You are of use and then you are of no use. This constant self-questioning is yet one more outcome of… To outsmart a narcissist, the first step is to become very aware of the trap they’ve put you in. If you’re just learning about narcissistic traits, the ‘discard phase’ is where you seemingly fall from grace in the narcissist’s eyes and they begin telling you all that’s supposedly “wrong” with you, why you’re not good relationship material, and when they begin playing the field or returning to one of their exes (sometimes both). Whilst this is reprehensible, there is an upside (kinda…as far as upsides go in a toxic mess!). We have a lot of fun together when we do those things alone. I married someone I loved and he will spend his life with someone he doesn’t love but I wasn’t there for him either or didn’t understand his situation. Why does a narcissist still talk to an ex after he broke up with her instead of disengaging? What is Narcissist Discard? Any chance I can get him to agree to that? I’m pregnant with a narcissist. The main problem with this is, that the  narcissist has moved on and living a great life. It is a very toxic one sided relationship. This may be (if you are lucky) where you start to see cracks in what you assumed was the perfect partner and begin questioning him. There is being kicked to one side by us but the prospect of being hoovered back in and then there is the final discard whereby you have been removed from your association with us and it is the end of the entanglement and there will be no more engagement between you and I. This time it  really is over.”, “She told me I was useless, pathetic, that she hated me and she would call the police if I came near her again. HG Tudor – The narcissist who was also my first love reconnected and I went through the cycle love bombing to harshly discarding me within 2 years. narcissist final discard. But last week, he called me twice. When or if you are ready to talk, I will understand that too and if you get this message, I will miss talking with you and thank you for our time together. I don’t understand what is going on, but all I know that is the absolute end.”, “He made it clear that there is no future for us, that he cannot stand the sight of me and that he wants me packed and gone by morning. Demote me? Search. You will not be treated as a human being, everything and I mean everything will be stripped from you. After a narcissist breaks up with his girlfriend, why does he act charming towards the IPSS again? Victim or Victor – Which One Do You Want To Be. As uncertain as the stages of discard may seem, there is a way to ensure that the narcissist stays away from you. Again, you acquiesce and adapt your appearance to once again keep your partner  happy, anything for a peaceful life. You are our fuelling appliance. And logically I don’t even want him back; it’s just emotionally. This is where I create my magic, guiding you in creating a series of goals and a solid action plan, to help you to emerge out of this big, black hole, to move forward towards your bright future. I knew this was coming, I could tell, I have been given the final discard.”. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. Narcissist final discard. As it turns out, he didn’t block me. In the end, the narcissist may leave you, temporarily or permanently. Stalking and harassment. They make life so uncomfortable when you are out with your friends, to the point they are so rude, that the only way to keep the peace is not to socialise with your friends any more. This is it. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. The narcissist will ghost you and move on with their new source of supply and flaunt it all over social media for your eyes to see. They will increase their criticisms of you and begin to pick apart your personal appearance. The victim is hoping that the listener will provide some cogent reason, some piece of evidence which will explain that it cannot be the final discard and thus fulfil that which blazes at the heart of all empathic individuals; hope. There is no such thing as a final disengagement (discard) you will be hoovered. We all know that narcissists are the only people who will ever love us. I need more information provided through consultation to advise you. I have more social prestige than him (age, looks, money) and he’s always been terrified to lose me. Someone who will let them manipulate them and won’t question or call them out on their behavior. But first they must secure replacement supply. They want you to feel as though no matter how badly they treat you, you need them around to feel “happy.” So, what are the signs a narcissist is done with you? We will always come back IF the Hoover Trigger is activated and the Hoover Execution Criteria are met. You will mourn your grief and will crave for closure, but you will not be close to receiving any closure. You are our property. https://narcsite.com/what-am-i-to-the-narcissist-where-do-you-sit-in-the-narcissists-fuel-matrix/ It’s irrelevant how long you have been together, or if you have 6 children? Another motivation for narcissist ghosting is after the discard. I thought they follow the idealization, devaluation, and discard/disengage pattern with the IPPS. The Narcissist Discard Phase can be brutal. 2. Are you in the throes of love – Stage 1 – ‘The Love-Bombing Phase.’  Where life is simply magical. You may not understand this while experiencing this onslaught, but if you take the time to try and step to the outside of your relationship and look inwards, maybe you will be able to see this patterning? It’s not about you. You are placed on the shelf, back in the cupboard, ready for the next time we want to engage with you.